Robb Review #2

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008: Predicting Divorce With Amazing Accuracy | The Robb Review

Today’s Topic: How to Avoid Divorce

John Gottman can predict, with 99.9% accuracy, if a couple will get divorced by spending just two minutes with them.

How does he know?

Gottman knows to look for The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

  1. Criticism – When you start being critical about your partner.
  2. Contempt – Criticism can escalate into contempt; the eye roll personified.
  3. Defensiveness – If you don’t repair that contempt, defensiveness will grow.
  4. Stonewalling – Finally, you will essentially become numb to your partner’s reactions and when you communicate to them. According to Gottman’s research, if you get to this point, you have a 99.9% chance of divorce in the next two years.

Okay, now that you know what the Four Horsemen are, and knowing is half the battle after all, are you dealing with any of them?

If you are, I’ve found that these strategies have really improved my relationship:

  • When you’re in criticism, try to complain without blaming (which isn’t easy to do!)
  • When you feel contempt, you want to build a culture of appreciation. So when you start rolling your eyes, instead choose to appreciate everything that you love about your partner.
  • If you are defensive, you want to take responsibility for it.
  • When you find yourself stonewalling, take a break – give yourself 20 minutes and

Resources:

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Hi, I’m Rob!

Hi, I’m Rob! It has been said “You are not what you have learned, but what you’ve overcome.”


I have overcome my share of obstacles in order to architect the life of my dreams and uncover the key to lasting, meaningful success. Growing up in Queens (literally on the wrong side of the tracks), my early years were tumultuous, marked by hardship and violence.

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